I entered the "nasty" world of the call center industry more than a year ago. Nasty because I never really wanted to, after I read a series of negative things about its atmosphere and culture. My sole purpose in joining the industry back then was to understand my failed affection towards college blockmate, Gino Jose Ortiz. I wanted to know badly why it never worked for us.

After a month and a half of training, I was thrown into a pack of wolves together with wavemate, Gerome Anthony Lauresta. Not literally though. It was a team spearheaded by team lead, Sia Jamir Napenas, with a majority of guys in it. If I remember correctly, I was the third active female in the team. Of course, I'd lie if I say I was able to remember all my teammates' names in one go.

A few days after settling on the floor, I stationed myself on the fifth floor and was then greeted hi by this tall moreno guy with a heart-shaped wide-jawed face while I was taking in a Self-Install Assist (SIA) call - talk about good memory. It was later on that I learned his name - Wilfredo Sudio Jr., and he was a teammate of mine. He reminded me well of high school friend, Willy Soriano, which led me to feel comfortable around him, even sitting next to him during lunch in the pantry.

I was seeing a cutie fom my high school named Reydenis Banglan so I couldn't care less of guys on the floor, most especially in our team. With several encounters, I found myself realizing it wouldn't work with Denis because I was unsatisified with how the relationship was going. And with the team throwing teases over me and Wil, I began seeing Wil for real - not just a teammate, but a guy.

One can say I'm a control freak and curious. Team SN stores a dashboard wherein each team member's data are stored. There I found Wil's number. It was nt my intention to exchange messages with him for flirting purposes. It was all for the sake of having a team spirit..back then.

I remember the first time I sent Wil a message. It was the night I met up with Denis and got myself rolled over by a cab. Funny it seemed, but Wil's messages indicated care. Not to sound boastful or what, I began looking at Wil unconsciuosly.

There were instances that I witnessed him doing overbreaks, time-stamping, sitting onto the bay, fooling around with some of our teammates, and such. I felt he was paying attention to me, most commonly when I do boo-boos like asking the public MOD chat for tips on how to manipulate a certain metric.

As I unconsciously observed him, I found Wil to be the silent and shy type who doesnt approach girls or women at all. Compared to some of our guy teammates, he was reserved and he really seldom talked to the female species - even to me. We didn't even dare to look at each other's eye, not even once. He was always avoiding my gazes or was I avoiding his? In any case, it was a very distant relationship.

Being single and such, Wil became the center of teasing. He was always being teased for being unsociable when it comes to women. Our teammates often paired him to any single women on the floor forcefully. As for me, who was technically singly by then, was also a victim of this ridicule.

It all began with TL Siamir popped the magic question one time when he was coaching me about my month-to-date statistics. The question was, "How do you find Wil?"

I still remember the surprise I felt because I was off-guard. Though, of course, I answered with all honesty. "He's like my best guy friend in high school."

And there, it all began. Wil and I had also began exchanging messages frequently. Michelle Concepcion, a teammate of ours, once mentioned that Wil asked her to send credits onto his mobile phone. Wil was known to be tight when it comes to money, to the point that he wouldn't get his phone loaded up. It was quite new for the people who witnessed that he had been active in text messaging.

Everyday, we were a part of the things being tackled in our team chat. Yes, we dont just work. We entertain ourselves through chattign while taking in calls.

One time, I'm not sure if it was out of impulse or curiosity, it was already my last day for the work week. Wil and I have different schedules. He starts work at 5am and I at 345am. Wil asked in our team chat if I had something planned during my off. Then TL Siamir suddenly blurted out that Angels and Demons was already showing and that the two of us should watch it together. There was no formal invitation from Wil, though a part of me was wishing for it. During my end of shift, I just told him over the chatroom to send me a message if anything comes up.

Weekend came, we decided to meet in Trinoma to watch Angels and Demons. Aside from that, we enjoyed playing arcade in Timezone and eating several times in Burger King and Karate Kid. We chatted a lot which eventualy gave us time to know so many things about each other. We tackled about relationships, his plans to pursue law school, family, work, and so many more. We ended the night happily, or so I thought.

Coming back to work, we were now in the front page of the chatroom. The whole team knew what we did and where we went. Wil admittedly said in his text message that he was pinned by TL Sia. I could only sigh at that with a smile painted on my lips.

It was like that in the succeeding days and no one knew that my feelings for Wil were growing except my partner in crime, Gerger. I am very honest person to myself. What I feel shows in my facial expression, getsures, actions, and even in my words. I am also not the conservative type who waits until a guy jumps over me.

I tried hiding my feelings, but Wil viewed it differently - I was avoiding him..physically. I didnt talk to him like I used to and I acter as if I couldn't care more of him when he was around.

One time, he joined Gerger and I as we went home because he was supposed to go to UST to enroll himself in law school. I tried my best to be casual, but it went aweful until I bid goodbye to both of them. Little did I know that those two guys were ganging up on me.

Shortly after I got home, I received a message from Wil asking me what was wrong. I did my best to hide it, but he was very insistent. Bottomline, I blurted out my true feelings for him. "I like you, but I'm not asking or expecting you to like me too."

He was honest - one of the qualities I liked about him. He said he was caught off-guard and he didnt know how to respond. We did our best to be how we used to with the teasing still in the air.

A part of me was already scared that the teasing would drive him insane. The teasing went worse to the point that we were the only thigns talked about in the chatroom. I never wanted to drive Wil crazy. I never wished to bring him troubles. So I told him that I would like the teasing to stop and I already had the action plan to accomplish it - I would involve myself in a romantic relationship. He tried to fight off the idea, but I was already decided about it.

On the 30th of May, the teasing suddenly stopped for no apparent reason. Good becuse it sent out peace to Wil and I. Bad because everything was disappearing into thin air.

Wil sent me a message while I was taking in calls, asking me for my last break schedule. I replied with what was plotted, but I didn't really adhere to my schedule. When I came back, I heard cheers on the floor - well, our team was the only one stationed on that floor. And in a few minutes, I saw purplish-white carnations that were dropped onto my station. Wil was the one who dropped it as he went back to his own station. Then he sent me another message, stating that he hoped the flowers have cleared any doubts in my mind.

We went to Trinoma together after shift. We talked about the pros and cons of what happened and decided to be a couple on that same day.

Today, Wil and I have been together for more than a year now. He resigned from being a call center agent to pursue law school and by GOD's grace, I stepped up as a Communication Coach in the very same company we worked together. We underwent so much together and even apart. We broke up once and got back together afterwards. Our relationship was and is still a rollercoaster.

He takes great care of me even if we're both busy. We meet halfway in everything. He acts like a dad, a brother, a bestfriend, and a lover to me. He goes out of his way to meet me and he's very much willing to know my faith. He also knows how to fight for our love - well, there are instances we feel like it's us against the world.

Wil means a lot to me. He always makes me feel loved and assured. And he's a very trustworthy guy.

I understand very well why it didn't work out with Gino or with Denis. It's because GOD will lend me the best guy there is..and that's Wil.

And yet I know that "if I want love too badly, I will not find it. The most secure way to keep love is to give it space and care to grow. If I hold it too tightly, I will lose it."
That's why I'm letting you go..because I want you to grow..and that one day will come which GOD has promised, you and I will reunite in HIM..

As I stepped off the footbridge, I saw the usual bus I rode to the place where I could feel him. My heart was racing so fast, I wanted to ride that vehicle to where I could meet him, and hell it was an effort to halt and to turn back. I keep hearing his voice like an impenetrable auditory hallucination.

Were you calling for me deep within you? Am I just imagining things or am I really hearing you?

 I've come to realize that since the last time I posted something on my blog, so many things happened - career-wise, romance, spiritual well-being, and the like. And the truth is, I'm getting old.

This is just  a comeback post. A not-so-cool come back post, but one thing is for certain.. I'll be writing again from here on..

I apparently have this habit of crying when I'm extremely mad. Though I am aware that anger is a vice, it's a part of my system that I am unable to help.

I have been mad a couple of times: over my so-called best friend who actually deserted me over love (not that I can help it), over this guy who actually undermined me for three or so months, over my boyfriend who fails to do the simple things I ask him to do, and just recently, over someone who humiliated my capacity to be a leader of my organizational affiliation and eventually questioned my way of managing my people, in front of an audience.

Actually, I don't see the relevance of bringing up my position in an organization over something I failed to do well for the academe. Cursing my entirety for my failure is still tolerable if the person cursing me is someone who believes in the Creator and who believes in justice. Apparently, I see this person as someone who is akin to Goliath (1 Sam 17:4): fierce, has a bad temper, and most importantly, has no God.

There are four personas anyone must not degrade in front of me: my Father, my family, my boyfriend Gino, and the organization that sheltered me all througout my college life, the Advocate. If done so, it is war.

I despise it when people bring up my position in order to embarrass me in public. I hate it when they question the way I manage when they are not even part of it and they don't even know the processes involving it. I disrelish it when they talk as if they know a lot of things on what's happening in the organization as if they were there.

The unforgettable scene keeps on repeating itself in my mind. Everytime I'm alone, I begin to ponder on the same event and I find myself bashing back to that person who reduced my morale as a creation of my Father, as a person, and as a head of my team.

I am disheartened that the person proved to me the imperfections of this world, that it makes me hate earthly life because of beings like that person. Every human being is created in the likeness of God that everyone can be holy. Negative attitudes are demon-manifested and it makes me sad.

God, my Father, forgive me for I have sinned...

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