Forgiveness: A Very Long Process

September 20, 2007

People have been hurt even once in their lives. Even children cry when they are in pain. The old ones sometimes hide it, but deep down, they also burst down into tears.

 

I apparently have this habit of crying when I'm extremely mad. Though I am aware that anger is a vice, it's a part of my system that I am unable to help.

 

I have been mad a couple of times: over my so-called best friend who actually deserted me over love (not that I can help it), over this guy who actually undermined me for three or so months, over my boyfriend who fails to do the simple things I ask him to do, and just recently, over someone who humiliated my capacity to be a leader of my organizational affiliation and eventually questioned my way of managing my people, in front of an audience.

 

Actually, I don't see the relevance of bringing up my position in an organization over something I failed to do well for the academe. Cursing my entirety for my failure is still tolerable if the person cursing me is someone who believes in the Creator and who believes in justice. Apparently, I see this person as someone who is akin to Goliath (1 Sam 17:4): fierce, has a bad temper, and most importantly, has no God.

 

There are four personas anyone must not degrade in front of me: my Father, my family, my boyfriend Gino, and the organization that sheltered me all througout my college life, the Advocate. If done so, it is war.

 

I despise it when people bring up my position in order to embarrass me in public. I hate it when they question the way I manage when they are not even part of it and they don't even know the processes involving it. I disrelish it when they talk as if they know a lot of things on what's happening in the organization as if they were there.

 

The unforgettable scene keeps on repeating itself in my mind. Everytime I'm alone, I begin to ponder on the same event and I find myself bashing back to that person who reduced my morale as a creation of my Father, as a person, and as a head of my team.

 

I am disheartened that the person proved to me the imperfections of this world, that it makes me hate earthly life because of beings like that person. Every human being is created in the likeness of God that everyone can be holy. Negative attitudes are demon-manifested and it makes me sad.

 

God, my Father, forgive me for I have sinned…